Begin again.

 woman

I’ve been feeling the need to write lately, feeling like I have words that I need to say.  And so I keep starting this blog again and again, and then deleting it.  There are so many things I want to write about, but I feel like I need to pick a niche.  Isn’t that what bloggers do now?  I mean, it’s not 2004 – no one just journals anymore, do they?  It’s all fashion or mommy-blogging or food or DIY or health/fitness.

 But I’m no expert in any field.  I just want to write.  So, I ask myself, “Why? Why do you want to write?”

Mostly, I think I just want connection.  Life is hard.  Being a mom (or not-thin or a woman or over-35 or without a career or all the other things you could fill in that leave you feeling unheard/unseen/unimportant/powerless) is a lonely road, which still surprises me four years in, given how very many mothers there are out there.  No one’s motherhood looks like anyone else’s, after all – we all bring our unique strengths and our devastating failures to play out on the stages of our families.  And living as this lonely mom, I sometimes start to believe that’s all I really am.  Just a mother.  

But I’m not.  

A long time ago, I wrote a blog for a year or so that helped me recover from my disordered eating and exercise addiction; it truly changed my life, that act of putting my struggles into words and sending them out into the ether.  But even more than the writing, what healed me most were the comments I got from readers, women who were struggling with the same thing, women who told me my honesty about my hurt and my healing made them feel stronger.  It made me feel like I’d helped.

And that changed something in me. There are a million and one reasons to blog, but for me, my reason is this:

Above all else, I want someone who is also walking a lonely path to know they’re not truly alone.

So, I’m going to write about whatever crosses my path here; no niche-blogging, no grand plan.  I’m just going to write the words I need to say

 

photo courtesy of Unsplash